Monday 10 December 2012

MANESH - THE INCOMPLETE STORY!



MANESH  -  THE INCOMPLETE STORY!

After my retirement, I got a chance to work in an NGO working towards betterment of underprivileged children and thus was fortunate to get a chance to give something back to the society in my own small way. I have worked there for a period of over 7 yrs. in various capacities, starting as a teacher, then as Education Manager, Manager – Accounts, Resource Generation Manager, Authorized Signatory, heading the Finance department. But it was during my initial tenure itself that I came across several instances that churned my heart and made me put in my extra bit. I have just left  the place in beginning of this November.

The stories, be it of success, failures or tragedies, are often told through cold statistics and numbers. But transpires behind the actual scene is hardly ever told. I still remember how we were all traumatized by what had happened to one of our child beneficiaries. Ganesh was his name. He was a studious and clever child. When his mother passed away his father remarried. The step mother started ill treating him. When her own child was born she neglected Ganesh. This affected him both emotionally as well as physically. He became seriously ill. He had to be hospitalized. He was suffering from leukemia. His father and his step mother continued to ignore him. The step mother left with her new born baby boy and went to her mother’s house in village. Even the father left him in the hospital to fend for himself. However, our community workers, teachers, Managers and our Managing Trustee lavished on him all the LOVE, CARE and ATTENTION. Help poured in from different quarters. The doctors, the nurses, ward boys and the other hospital staff put in their best efforts to save him. But he was dying. He wished to see his step mother and hug his step brother. One of our community workers, some how manage to get both of them. Finally he died hugging his tiny brother and his last wish being fulfilled, he must have died peacefully. I had thus started here on a very sad note.

 Manesh, who studied in B.M.C.School (his formal school) was not attending our classes as well as those of his formal school for a number of days. He was a clever, punctual and regular student, who hardly ever remained absent. We were worried. One of our community workers informed that she had learnt that he was not well and she also told where he lived. I decided to visit him the next day. The next day I set forth to unfold the following story.

It is Sunday. It is dark and gloomy outside. The thick cloud cover is threatening to break free and pour down any minute. So I hail a taxi. Steering past heavily loaded hand carts and avoiding the careless pedestrians the taxi speeds past the lanes and by – lanes and we reach the main Kalbadevi Main road. I spot the sign board – Vasant Wadi. I signal the driver to halt. Manesh stays in the very first building, I was told. I climb the stairs. All the doors are closed and locked from outside. I notice that all of them are commercial establishments. I move to the next building – Number 413 E. Thank God there are some people living on the ground floor! I enquire. “ No, we do not have any Manesh staying here, not at least in this building,” the lady of the house informs me. “Poore gali me kohi Manesh nahi!” ( There is no Manesh in the whole  lane), shout the street kids in unison. I do not what to do. Just as I about to leave I hear a voice from the room, “Manesh! Apne Kamwale bai ka ladka yaar. Apne upper hi to rehata hai” (Manesh, the son of our maid. Stays right above us.)I need no further confirmation. I climb the stairs, taking two steps at a time. Some times I go overboard in my enthusiasm. I slow down suddenly. Is it the age or the darkness inside the building? I do not know.I have reached the first floor and here too I find only locked doors of commercial firms. I take the steps up – the second floor. To my left is the wide open door of a posh flat.  Kaun,” a man, standing in the door way, enquires.  As I am about to tell, I hear, It’s Sir” I pivot on my toes and see a face of a young boy staring at me from the collapsible door on my right. Why it is Akshay, Manesh’s younger brother. I am relieved. I have reached the right place.

On seeing me Manesh hurriedly spreads a gunny bag and invites me to sit on it. I find the sit offered to me more comfortable than the softest leather sofas that I had ever sat on. I glance around. A feet or less in front of me is the steel cup board and I am certain that if stretch my legs I will bang them against the cup board. ”We keep our clothes in there,” Manesh feeds me with information. On the left a closed door, in the front of which are stacked four or five stainless steel and Aluminum vessels and brass kerosene stove. As my eyes move to the right past the cupboard Manesh’s eyes follow mine. The name plate reads ‘Tec – Med – Devices’ “They are all doctors”  “No they make things which are used by doctors,” Manesh corrects his brother. My eyes move, another foot or so on the right – the journey of eyes abruptly and rudely stopped by another collapsible door, closed and locked. Beyond that door I see piles of drums and barrels, corrugated boxes, box files and what not blocking my view as well as any air that could come inside from the window across. From the half hidden window I see --- It’s raining outside, as though reflecting the melancholy inside. Behind me on the right my eyes settle on the nameplate  
on the closed and locked door. It reads – RAJESH CHEMICAL COMPANY. “It’s Sunday, so the company is closed. You will not get any obnoxious and foul odour today.” Manesh is continuously feeding me with the information. On the left behind me there is another closed door of the office of Mr.Suresh Jain, C.A. I realize that this very corridor of   3 Ft. X 8 Ft., in which I am sitting, is their home and that too just from 10 pm to 10 am on week days – roughly a 12 hour home. Perhaps was a bonus on Sundays for them to have leisurely hours.

Manesh’s mother is back home after completing her morning domestic chores of washing clothes, their own and those of the neighbourhood.I am aware that she works as a maid washing clothes, cleaning utensils, sweeping and cleaning of many homes in the neighbourhood. After a brief introduction, I ask her. How did they come here, to live in this place? And she narrates.

They were happily living in a chawl at Malad. Every thing was just fine then. Her eldest son, Manesh, was doing extremely well in a private ‘Balwadi’ (Kindergarten) school and the youngest, Akshay, had just begun to say ‘Ma’ and ‘Ba’. All was well, until one fine (or dark) morning BMC demolished their unauthorised building and along with it they bulldozed their happy and smooth life. They were made to run from pillar to post. But never got what was promised to them and to others like them - the promised alternate accommodation. There after they were forced to live for a year or two out in the open – out in the wilderness. Manesh became a school drop out. In search of a roof they came here by chance some time in the late 90’s. Now they are allowed to reside here only from late night to the early next morning. They have to vacate the place in the early morning, with their bag and baggage, as soon as the shops / offices on their floor open in the morning around 10 am or sometimes even earlier. They are allowed to return only after the offices close down for the day, around 13.30pm at the earliest. Dinner is cooked after the mother returns from her work and by the time they go to bed it is well past midnight.

“Even when any one of us is ill, there is no place where one can rest”, adds Manesh’s father, who has just come back for lunch. He works as a labourer in a Saree Shop, where he has to display the sarees to the customers and rearrange them and put them back in the respective shelves after the customer has left. “My father is asked by his sheth to clean the toilets,” Akshay informs.  From the tone of his voice it is quite obvious he doesn’t like his father doing such work. “Manesh’s father is asked to do a lot of running around as well, to fetch something or make bill payments,” there is a lump in her voice when the mother says this, “ both my children will study hard and will earn well”. I assure them that they certainly would. I tell them how getting complete education is important, how it would improve the life of their children as well as their life style. They listen to me very intently. I tell them that I was aware about their struggle and what pains they took to get their children admitted in the BMC School. They acknowledge the assistance that they got from our NGO for getting them admitted in the BMC school as well as the benefits the children were enjoying by being with us. Mother says, “ Thanks to you people, Manesh always comes first in his class, all three divisions put together. He is very clever.”  Father says, “Our Akshay is also clever.” “Yes our Akshat too is clever – Clever but mischievous, aren’t you Akshay?” “Yes mother!” The parents tell me how Manesh has been selected the school for the Govt. Scholarship Examination.” “Does the school help him in any other way? Do they provide him with required books for the purpose or give him extra coaching?”, I ask. “No.” Mother adds, “Manesh will manage on his own as he has always done, by taking help from his class mates, borrowing books from them and even seeking help from your teachers.” It is good that not only the parents but also Manesh has realized quite early in his life that obstacles are placed in one's path not to be boggled at but to be surmounted. Manesh tells me that he is fine now and will attend our classes as well as those of his school from tomorrow. I am happy. It's already 2pm. I leave the place. Outside their neighbours, some Mr. & Mrs. Shah (names changed) tell me how they were the ones who helped the family to acquire this place despite objections from others, how they fought ‘tooth and nail’ and assured me they will take care of the family, and allow them to live here as long as they wanted. The family is lucky to have such good helpful people around. I climb down the step as fast as I can, almost running down, skipping a step or two. I am out on the road. it has stopped raining. it is no longer dark and gloomy. The sun is shinning brightly, perhaps significantly assuring me that all is well and that there is always a ray of hope for children like Manesh.. My day is done. I realize I am hungry and have to rush back home for lunch.

Manesh did well at the Govt. Scholarship Examination as well as in his school exams. He had passed his Std.VII. The BMC School was only up to VII. He had to seek admission in some other school. We knew it would not be difficult. His other class mates, who were with us came to us and we got them admitted to some school or the other. We waited for him to approach us. We waited, waited and waited. But he did not come. We came to know that his parents had collected his school leaving certificate as well as that of his brother from the school and had gone away to some distant suburb.

The last year one of the schools in our area, Prabhu Seminary High School, had invited me to a function to felicitate their S.C.C. students as the school results of March. 2012 were 100 %. There I met some of our students (who had completed their VII from BMC School), who were the class mates of Manesh. What has happened to Manesh? Where are you Manesh? Your batch mates - Imran, Azar, Sabia (all non -Maharashrians, who completed their schooling in Marathi Medium) have passed S.S.C in March,2012. Hope you too must have completed your S.S.C. and are continuing with your further studies and hope so does your brother Akshay. Is any other NGO helping you and your brother?

The story goes that it was the Shahs, who used all their influence to have the family evicted from that building. Since I do not know for sure I have changed their names. When and if I come to know that they were responsible I tell them myself how they have been hypocrites all their life.

                                                                                           - VINAY TRILOKEKAR

N.B.
 Should anyone want to send donations to our NGO you can get in touch with me. 
Again if anyone knows about Manesh and he needs any help in his further studies do contact me.

Friday 19 October 2012

WE THE PIONEERS OF TWENTY 20 GACCHI CRICKET - THE TERRACE CRICKET








WE THE PIONEERS OF TWENTY 20

- Gachhi Cricket - The Terrace Cricket




 
As I pass by this site at Hughes Road ( Pandita Ramabai Marg) I imagine that there still stands the AJINKYA MANSION and ----


 ---- A tennis ball comes down the terrace. Thud --- it has fallen  on the roof of the temple opposite, another thud---it is down on the road below.---“Ball please”--- “Throw the ball, please”, we are all shouting from the gachhi (terrace)above. Ganpat and Laxuman already down on the road to fetch the ball. The ball is retrieved by Ganpat of course (he can spot or even smell the ball, it seems). Then you hear, “the whole team is out”. “Ha, ha, ha!”---- the laughter in unison of the opponents. “No way, it was not off the bat”. “It’s a tenner”. The scene ran past my eyes. I almost laughed out loudly.

 “Hey bhai, kanha khoye ho?”, a shout from the taxi driver, jolts me back to the reality. The Ajinkya Mansion stood no more.  but my journey down the memory lane continues.

Every Sunday afternoon (almost every Sunday) there would be a knock on the door.  Even without opening the door I would know that Sandeep had come to tell us that it was time to leave. It was our routine on Sundays- all four of us – Sandeep, Amar, Siddhartha and I would leave our house and assemble in the terrace of Ajinkya Mansion much before others would. Soon the other regulars would join. Jay, Viju, Badu, Kiran, Salil, Dilip, Amit, Laxuman and Ganpat were the other regulars. We, the regulars played practically every Sunday - the practice games. The other gang would join the fun on the Match Day ( a monthly affair). Mahesh, Suresh, Anik, Nrupal, Ashit, Paras and a few others that enabled us to form the two teams fighting for the Jenma Trophy (needless to say sponsored by Mahesh). Kunal must have come twice or thrice at the most. He had stopped playing ever since he had that verbal exchange with Kiran, his uncle. He had dropped a few catches and the uncle was very furious with him.  Nikhil and Pravin came once in blue moon. Akshay too came some times.

Mahesh and Jay would invariably be the opposing captains. In case I had done well in the practice game on the previous Sunday, I would land in Jay’s team, if not then was thrown in the other team and so was the fate of the other regular players as well. Viju always kept wickets for Mahesh's team and Jay kept it for his own team. Jay had a big say in making the rules of the game. We all know that cricket is a funny game and our rules made it more so. If a ball bowled went full toss out of the terrace the batting team would get a Tenner (ten runs). As the luck would have it – the first tenner ever given to the opponents was by none other than Jay. Then there was this funny concept of the Whole Team Getting Out. In case the ball hit by a batsman went down and out of the terrace, the whole team (remaining batsmen) was declared out. I remember – I was playing for Jay’s team (I remember quite clearly) and had opened the innings for them. After scoring some runs, I saw a juicy full toss from Mahesh and bang- I hit the ball – high-high it went- Oh no! Out of the terrace! The whole team out! The rule was soon abolished. Mahesh had a unique way of fielding – falling flat on the ball- stopping the ball, more by the body mass than his own anticipation. Ashit bowled both off breaks and leg breaks with same grip.( I confess now -  I always found it hard to guess which way the ball would turn) Laxuman’s grip was equally unique- holding the blade of the bat with his left hand and the right hand just lightly touching the handle – he would take the left - hander's stance and pivoting his body on his toes he would swing his bat with all his might. Either bowled or a six were the only possible result. Jay was an expert in the reverse sweep stroke until once Bandu ( playing for the opponents) had scored more runs by reverse sweeping. A new rule was immediately framed - Reverse Sweep not allowed.There was no running between wickets.(most of us were simply unable to run - being obese, bulky,over weight, etc. Sandeep and Kiran being the exceptions) No ones, twos or threes – We dealt only in boundaries. A hit on the parapet wall scored a ‘4’ and a full toss hit , a ‘6’. Then there was this tenner by default. Bowling was under arm and each batsman was allotted 4 overs, one each from four different bowlers. Thus each team would play around 20 overs.  So you see we were the first – to start the limited overs Twenty-20 Cricket. Had there been Under- Arm Cricket World Cup, many of us would have played for India.

We were free from match fixing. We fought fiercely. At times the tempers would run very high. There would banging of bats on the floor (thank God Ajinkyas and Dhurandhars occupied the floor below and not any tenant) and throwing of caps on the ground and shouts of “No way, no way” Nrupal , Kiran , Mahesh and Jay were experts in throwing tantrums. Perhaps Bandu was the coolest one. Umpiring was the prerogative of the batting side. Some times we did have a guest umpire, mostly Amber mama and whenever he did officiate, Mahesh’s team would invariably lose. All the umpiring decisions were then ruled in favour of the opponents. May be wanted to prove a point –that he would never favour his son or his team. Nevertheless, all of it was a great fun. In between the serious business of playing, we had some lighter moments too. Once, a ball had fallen down in the chowk below and Ganpat ran across and peeped down to spot the ball so that he could retrieve it without wasting time in searching for it. As he dashed across he banged against Sandeep who was also leaning from the terrace parapet. Sandeep’s spectacles went cart – wheeling down below and fell in the chowk as well. After the customary apologies Ganpat ran down.He soon found the ball the specs as well and then he shouted from the chowk , “ चष्म्याला काहीही झाले नाही, फक्त काच फुटलाय आणि एक कधी तेव्हढी तुटलाय. बाकी चष्मा ठीक आहे -Chasmyala kayhi zale nahi. Fakat kanch futli aani aik kaddhi tutli baki chasma thik aahe!” (Nothing has happened to the specs. Only the glasses are smashed ----)  Up until now Sandeep had taken every thing sportingly ( he had even remarked that it was just an accident) But now Sandeep was seething with anger! And it was like rubbing salt to the wound, when Mahesh joked " It's okay. Get them. Sandeep will use them as magnifying glasses". Now Sandeep was fuming. But then he was in Mahesh's team and even batted without the specs, scoring good runs for the team. That was sportsman spirit for you.He was declared the Man Of The Match.

After the match – the dinner party, the Revolving or rather Rotating Trophy (as it always remained in Jay’s Consulting Room) would be handed over to the winning captain with all the fan fare, snaps being taken, thank you speeches and what not. But most of us more interested in the glasses in our hands and jokes and gossiping sessions. Arvind  bhauji was always in his elements and enlivened the party with his crispy jokes. He was also informative, encyclopedia on Foods - what was good in the Police Canteen, which Irani served the best keema pav, where were the best Falooda or  Ferni joints, so on and so forth. (Kunal must have had his grooming lessons done here)  Sandeep has inherited this gift (to some extent). SANDEEP!--- that reminds me—Once after our match Jay had announced that Sandeep Patil was to come for the party as the chief guest. No one believed him .We thought that it was one of his usual dhap (bluff). But there he was! Sandeep Patil had come with Ramdas Padhey. Their wives too had accompanied them. Naturally he was offered a drink. Initially, he declined to accept our offer. But after a lot of coxing by all of us, he went, had some discussion with his spouse and he said, “I shall have a beer”. I do not know what made him change his mind or was he seeking permission to drink? There were others too, who hardly participated in our cricket matches but came and made these parties enjoyable. Kunal with his Striptease Act – the twisting and wriggling motion  of his torso, turning his neck from one side to the other, then removing the T - Shirt and throwing it in the crowd (at this juncture some one stopped him from going any further) – The whole act was a treat to watch. Nitin’s Don Scene – Khainke pan Banaras walla – was always fresh. (His sudden passing away was very shocking and sad).

 As I stand near this construction site, oblivious of the traffic and the people around, I look up --there isn't any terrace------ hear no shouts from above of 'ball please'---  huge metallic sheets block my view, hiding the site where once stood tall  - Ajinkya Mansion.



And clink - clank - the loud metallic sounds and the 'Haya hoosh' and 'Gop - Nikal' of the labourers is all that I hear..
But memories come rushing back ---Simply nostalgic.

Vinay Trilokekar

Wednesday 17 October 2012

BLACK IS ALSO BEAUTIFUL!!!



BLACK IS ALSO BEAUTIFUL!!!

BLACK IS BOUNTIFUL 


 "IN  NO COUNTRY I AM BLACK. THEN WHY CALL ME BLACK MONEY?"

 http://kennblanchard.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/money-cartoon.jpg



 " WE ARE THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL EVILS, WHAT RUBBISH!"


The other day (may be some months back) I read an article titled as above, by Mr. Jug Suraiya. He goes on to tell us how we, Indians, by and large, have aversion (I am an exception, I am not averse to) to anything dark. Be it sugar, flour or skin complexion, dark is out and white is in and the whiter the better. The exception to this colour- coded scheme of things, he adds, is money.  Indians, or at least some of us, he says, have distinct preference for so- called ‘black’ money. He then goes on to tell us how India remains a poor country while its wealth is stashed away abroad in accommodative places like Switzerland and the Cayman Island, which call themselves ‘tax havens’, a euphemism for the banking system (as he puts it) that  turns a blind eye to the sources of clandestine riches. He says Indians have more undeclared booty hidden away in secret accounts than all the rest of the world combined and quotes some statistical data according to which if this wealth stashed abroad were to be brought back to India our foreign debt would out some 13 times over, and there would still be some left- overs. Unfortunately for us (common citizens, honest tax payers, like you and me), there is no political will to do what obviously needs to be done or is it the fear of consequences?

I wish to divert myself a bit from this serious issue of black money (of course, which I don’t have, any way or wasn’t capable of making any, for that matter), but do wish to continue to on the subject matter of this article, may be in a lighter vein. No I do not fall into the category of those few Indians (class which includes politicians, business magnets, film personalities and sport celebrities), who have wealth hidden away in tax havens. Being a salaried person, I automatically became honest tax payer- hence an honest common man! But I am one of those Indians, who have no aversion to anything dark or black. Black is what I love, though I haven’t any black money (as I said before) I even drink black tea (with no sugar at that) these days. Of all the whiskeys that I have gulped down, I consider Black Label as the best. I remember a song, which went this way ‘Black is black, I want my baby back’ and as a child I loved that song. I was fascinated by the movie Black. My mobile too is black (not Black Berry but simple user friendly Nokia one). We have two black L.G. T.V. sets, black cooker and n number of black utensils (including non – stick ones) at home. Black here, black there and black everywhere! So, you see Black is indeed bountiful with us. And it would fair to say that I love all those people, who may not be fair outwardly, and may have darkest of complexion yet posses that inner beauty which oozes out from their pure heart. Black is also beautiful!
                                                                    ___ VINAY TRILOKEKAR

Wednesday 10 October 2012

WE LOVED THEM, WE LOVE THEM BUT--

WE LOVED THEM, WE LOVE THEM BUT--

I saw a picture of an empty chair and I thought of using it in the current blog.

So I have penned my thoughts in this manner.
Treat your parents with loving care-------------------------Because you will only know their value, when you will    see their  EMPTY CHAIR, like the one above! So call
them just to say," I LOVE YOU!"

Aseem Chhabra, who writes a weekly column for Mumbai Mirror offering New York perspective on Indian Issues, once wrote in his column thus: (and I quote)

'Recently, a friend in Washington informed me of his father’s demise back home in India, and advised me to call up my father for no reason but to tell him ‘I love you’. I took his advice and dialed my parents.'

He then goes on telling how this sad news brought him face- to – face with one of the worst fears of those living in the U.S., away from their elderly parents, may be living alone. He goes on describing the ordeal one has to go through in such circumstances – bags to be packed – emergency flight arrangements to be made – visa issues to be tackled – everything being rushed through – with no time to mourn.

He states how his friend’s BlackBerry message rattled in another way and I quote again:

'I belong to a generation from India where we never said to our parents that we loved them. Sitting with them, talking to them, eating meals together was our way expressing our love. But the word ‘Love’ is hardly ever used to express what we feel towards each other.

He further explains how things are different in the U.S., with children and parents exchanging quite frequently the ‘I love you’. (How odd and almost mechanical it is!)  Every time the call from his son ends with the customary American expression. He has been saying it since he was a child. It seems this American way of expressing love has rubbed off on his U.S. born Indian son. He does not recall his wife or himself ever teaching his son to speak those words.

He did call his parents that very night. His mother picked up the phone and then passed it on to his father. But he did not say ‘I love’ to either of them. The parents too did not ask him why he was calling them soon after having spoken to them earlier. But his parents knew that it was his way of saying that he loved them.

I too belong the same generation from India where we never said to our parents, grand parents, uncles and aunties that we loved them. There was no need for that expression ever. In the same manner, we don’t expect our son, daughter – in – law and our sweet little grand daughter to say ‘I love’ to us when they call from abroad. We know that all of them do love us immensely as much as our daughter.  My little darling Sarah does say, “I love you, baba!” to me or “I love you, aai” to my wife.

RE: We all love one another and we know it!

Something on this line(quoting the said article) I had sent emails to my dear ones staying abroad. And this was the response that got from them (I've reproduced the same without  making any corrections or alterations):


  • Email from my daughter –in - law:

 i sumtimes wanna say 'i love u' to u guys, but since v hv never said it, it just seems difficult. and i agree baba also, it is so normal n understood that v love each other n know it from our actions, that sumtimes i feel that love is better expressed thro' actions than words. esp whn u see so many people sayin i love u as a habit n not actually meanin it.
i am sure that even if v dont say it or u dont say it, doesnt mean that v dont know that v love and care deeply for each other. also, everyone's way of expressin love is not the same, as long as the love is felt amongst us, that i feel is the best way to express. isnt it?
one more thing, i find writing 'love u' is easier than sayin it :)
love all of u, tk cr
                   -Araina

  • From my nephew,Harshul Nayak wrote:

Hello Vinay mama,
We were so happy to hear from you ...

Each generation is different.
Its true that our generation or the one before us which includes our parents and yourself don't follow the western way to say "I love You" but we have our own culture. Our own way of telling our parents that we care and love them. It happens only in our culture where children don;t forget and take care of their parents. With the ever changing world and times it nice to accept wht's nice. We personally would like and prefer to give best of both the worlds (east and west ) to our children and learn ourselves. One is never old for learning.
In this new world of instantification (?)and short tweet and face book updates, I find pretty hard adding more words in form of an email. But all said and done, we love our parents and you too. With the changing times we have to leave our house and move a little farther but we all love our parents. It's our culture...

Hope I was able to put in our thoughts and meant no harm.

Kindly convey our regards to Siddarth ,Aarina , lovely sarah , vidya mami and Maithili ...

With lots of luv and warm prayers
Harshul , Gayatri and "to be" ( today they have a sweet little son called Varad)

  • My Nephew, Nikhil wrote thus:

Dear Mama,
First of all “Love you very much” I promise this will be followed up with a phone call on one of the weekends – though you will always be blamed for my premature baldness.
I agree to this article and the sentiments behind it. One of the reason why we over here say “love you” is that we tend to pick up good things from any culture and we don’t have any extended family here so the bonding is much stronger – your involvement with your kids in more stronger. I am sure it is true with Siddartha.  I agree we Indians tend to less expressive when sharing our love with our parents – and its largely because that’s how we grew up but  I see North Indians are a bit different than others – they are more more verbal and touchy with their parents / elders which I have seen with Shruti’s family.  
I appreciate your email and thoughts behind it. One think you should always remember, that I always remember you guys but “time” is the only scarcity we have here due to time difference. I am sure if we were in the same time zone you would have heard more from me. I am of course sad that when Aai passed away none of you guys were around at her funeral but that is the price you pay when you want to be away from your roots. I must say that Aai over the years after my dad passed away became more aware of her strengths which she didn’t have the avenue to demonstrate earlier. I always tried to give her space and do what she wanted. I am a bit disappointed with myself that I should have thought of getting her remarried. But by the time I realized it was a bit late. It didn’t even strike me that I should think of it seriously even when few of my American friends use to ask me if she is going to get re-married. The way think is – hey you live until 80-90 years – an everyone needs companion – but coming from that culture it was initially a bit akward to think but then I realized my mistake..
Over the years Aai had begun to love US as I could see her adaptability to go to stores, library and travel by herself. She was to a large extend dressing more in pants, t-shirt and shoes too. I believe she was at peace (she looked also very calm on the death bed) and wanted to pass away in my house and in US.
Fortunately for me there is an Indian family who treats me as their son and this lady Shah Aunty (My US mom) took charge and took care of me as a mother and guided me through Aai’s  ceremony and continues to exert right over me as her son.
Well it was very nice to get an email from you. We have been lucky that we come from a broad minded and educated background. We should surely keep in touch and continue on these lines.
Take care, regards to everyone and of course LOVE YOU.
       
       - Nikhil

Saturday 8 September 2012

TRIBUTE TO DOCTORS



TRIBUTE TO DOCTORS




Doctor, you are one of the lucky people, who when asked:
“What do you do for a living?”, can answer:


  “I SAVE LIVES! ! !”

 

What have my guts to do anything with tributes to doctors, you may wonder. But, I am indeed talking about my 'GUTS'! The pun is deliberate and intentional one. It all began in this manner.

Some years back, in 2011 to be exact, we were in Saudi Arabia. It was our first visit to Saudi Arabia then. Just as there was so much to write home about from Saudi, there is so much I could write from home, especially some of the funny experiences that I had over there. There was this ‘Eating Competition for Men’ during the Food Festival at Lu- Lu’s.  Lu-Lu’s is super market down there. How each of us was supposed to eat as many as we could (in 5 minutes or so) any of the 4 items – chillies (3 marks), bitter gourd (2 marks) and cucumber & carrot (1 mark each). I could touch a score line of 37, by eating in the allotted time 1 carrot and 12 chillies. But I stood nowhere! No, not even a consolation prize for me, despite my being the senior most participant! A Hyderabadi, some thirty years, a giant of a man, who stood first, had eaten 48 chillies. He had walked in with a reputation of winning all the previous competitions held at Lu-Lu’s.  In the last one before this he had stood first when he had devoured three huge creamy cakes each weighing some 3 kgs. It was cake walk for him even now, imagine eating all of those 48 red hot chillies! But poor, me, with a score of 12 of them, stood at the bottom! It had hurt me a lot,  in more ways than one.  ‘The Rest is ‘History’ as people often say. But it was no longer ‘History’ for me. Many had applauded me then saying, “We admire your guts”. But my poor guts – they did not admire me. Now my guts were screaming, “Keep the spices off your dinner table”. And so it had been for quite a while! Remedial suggestions kept on pouring from different quarters each day with all those ‘dos and don’ts’, go to this or that doctor and some even advised me to go to some ‘vaidu’ or other.
There is but a thin line between medical cures and the so called magic remedies. You come across many who know someone who has either heard of or experienced a magical remedy. In the situation of a condition that is particularly difficult to treat, relatives, friends or neighbours always have well meaning advice to offer -- much of it based on stories or experiences related by others. Strangely, none of these people tend to be a doctor, and doctors who hear such stories find it interesting, if not amusing. Some suggested I should take ‘gulkand’, jam of some fruit (bel fal) or honey in lemon juice. Some of the remedies suggested would have proved dangerous had I taken them seriously. They stopped short of telling to have my guts removed.

Thank God no one told me to go to that self proclaimed scientist who sold a liquid medicine -- Rs. 15,000 for a 100 ml bottle that was advertised as a cure for everything from diabetes, incurable HIV to cancer. We all know how some actors and well-known personalities appeared in TV shows promoting his ‘miracle medicine’. I would have also been one of the witnesses to testify against him and would have taken credit for enabling the authorities in putting him behind the bars.

The first thing after returning from Saudi was to find Dr. Chetan Bhat. I knew that he used to practise at Dr. Nene’s Clinic in the building next to Laud Mention, Charni Road. However, when in that building the liftman informed me that there wasn’t any ‘Dr. Chetan Bhat’ in the whole building. But I was lucky. A sweeper, an old lady, who had heard me said, “कोण? तो आपला चेतन? तो ब्रिज वरला बॉम्बे मुचल बिल्डींगात काम करतो बघा. दोन माळ्यावर." ( She was telling me about the doctor as though he was her son or a very close relative.)
 

The Colonoscopy done by Dr. Chetan Bhatt on me revealed – Anal canal with internal Haemorrhoids with congested mucosa (Piles, in short). He treated me and prescribed some medicines. I took the religiously. Thank you so much, Dr. Chetan Bhatt and thank God, I came to you and did not go to any quack, otherwise who knows?


Cred­i­bil­ity in today’s day and age where peo­ple assume that every­thing and every­one is up for sale is a highly val­ued asset. People are very cynical and think that every write up or news item is ‘paid’. They often ask writer or the journalist concerned how much he or she been paid for writing the stuff.


I fully trust my doctor and for that matter I have all the faith in all my doctors and the Medical Profession. Just the way my mother did. When I wrote about this on Face Book, one friend's son wrote:

FROM MY FRIEND'S SON:

Uncle, I am hesitant to put it out on the internet as it is somewhat personal information regarding the illness etc. I am pasting below another version of my comment with names removed. Please feel free to include it in your post without naming us. I hope this ok - usually I would be ok to post comments with my name, but this particular topic is a bit sensitive

Here is the same comment but anonymous:

Uncle, I really like reading your blog, please keep writing. you mentioned that you are consulting Dr Chetan Bhatt for gastroenterology. I wanted to share our experience with you.

About 7 years back my wife, was diagnosed with serious abdominal infection which even the doctors here in London ruled out as a chronic condition that she would never get rid of. On a trusted recommendation, we then went to Dr Bhatt - not only did he cure her of the condition but proved that she had been misdiagnosed (they accepted their fault after looking at the evidence and her recovery).

He is a life saver for us. We have a lot of respect for him. With him you are definitely in good hands ! Please take care and get well soon.
But sometimes, we do read such reports:
Homoeopathetic: (Mumbai Mirror May,28, 2013)
·         Man found with baby bottle in anus, says it was piles treatment.
·         Doctors remove it; it had worked its way into his large intestine.
·         The patient had bottled it.

·         The patient claims homoeopath had told him to lube it up and put it there to treat the disease.


It is my advice - go to a good doctor and trust him fully. This is so despite of reading some startling revelations made, like the one forwarded by Neville Mistry, one of my friends: captioned ‘Heart Surgeon Admits Huge Mistake By Dwight Lundell, M.D.’ (Neville, it was interesting as well as enlightening. Thank you.). But sometimes patients too are wrong about their doctors.

Some months back a one of my acquaintances, Dr. Anita, called me to tell me that how she was surprised when Dr. Prafulla B. Desai (a Padma Bhushan recipient and her dad’s student) remembered my mother. I told her that my mom was the first cancer patient that he operated upon and I went on to tell how her dad, Dr. Ernest Borges, considered my mom as his sister and hence declined to operate on her then and asked his student, Dr.P.B.Desai to perform the surgery instead. All went  well for my mother. She was indebted to both of them and of course to the Almighty. She would quite often express these feelings of her having full faith in both of them and she was so very grateful to them for enabling her to lead and live normal life. Incidentally, prior to my mother’s death, Tata Memorial Hospital records showed my mother as ‘the longest surviving cancer patient’ with her photograph below it and which would often be circulated among the resident cancer patients as a morale booster. In fact, Dr. Borges would tell me, “This lady deserves A Nobel, if there was one for fighting so bravely against such a dreadful disease. I admire her will power and desire to live.” Incidentally, Dr. Borges passed away much before my mother did.
You may be wondering as to why I am writing all this. This is the same renowned cancer surgeon -Dr.P.B.Desai, who was very much in the news some months back and all for the wrong reasons. They found him guilty of negligence and it is said that his rash and negligent act had resulted in death of one Ms.Leela, wife of some retired IAS officer, one Mr.P.C.Singhi, back in 1988, the same year my mother died. My mother would have been shocked and angry at anyone calling him rash and negligent, -shocked and angry - just the way today many from medical community are. She would not have believed - Dr. P.B..Desai, rash and negligent- no way! The doctor, who had performed his first surgery on her and subsequently treated her for so many years free of charge, could never be negligent. He was always there for her whenever needed him.
 Dr. E.Greenberg, who testified from the US, (on whose testimony via video conference the court has relied upon) is a physician and what authority does a physician have in saying that a surgery was inadvisable, so ask many from the medical profession. Again opinions defer. Moreover, it seems that Ms. Leela was never a patient of Dr. P.B.Desai but that of Dr. A.K.Mukherji (his assistant), as testified under oath by two witnesses, an anesthetist and a secretary. Ironically, Dr.Mukherji has been acquitted of all criminal charges, when she was his patient for 10 years, even when he worked under Dr.Paymaster.

My rhetoric may not help Dr.P.B.Desai in any way, but it’s my expressing my gratitude to him on behalf of my mother. May her soul rest in peace!
Recently, I met Dr. P.B.Desai. After reading the very first sentence he remarked," Vinay, I don't agree with you. I don't save lives. No doctor does. We treat patients. Life and death is not man's hand.

This reminds of what one of my acquaintances, who is a doctor, once wrote in his column:  
It is also so easy for doc­tors to fall prey to the God com­plex, espe­cially when patients say things like “aap to Bhag­wan ho. Aapko jo karna hai karo”.(आप तो भगवन हो. आपको जो करना है जो करो.)


He has also written some other time that a good fam­ily physi­cian is an invalu­able com­pan­ion in both sim­ple and com­pli­cated med­ical situations…and as a bonus can also dou­ble up as a friend, philoso­pher and guide! Cul­ti­vate one!  Thankfully, we have a lot of doctors in our family (extended one), but no family physician at that. At the same time, we are fortunate to know many doctors, who are skilled and specialized in their respective field of expertise. 

There is Dr. Gauresh Palekar. We go to him for our orthopedic and related problems. Once when my wife was having joint pains I took her to him. After examining her he told us that it had nothing to do with his line of expertise and predicted that it could be maleria or dengu. He asked us to get it confirmed from a physician. His diagnosis were correct. Again on another occasion, I had twisted (so I thought) my right ankle. One look at my swollen foot and he asked me, " I you sure you that you have twisted your ankle or you think so? I am afraid you have gout."  He treated and I became well. After some days he called me.  I told him that my foot was okay, there was no pain or any swelling. But he insisted to visit his clinic. I went. I stretched my food so that he could examine it. He said, " I don't want examine your foot. I am sure it has become well as you say. It is for some other reason that I have called you,"so saying he handed me a donation cheque in favour of our NGO. He is now our regular donor for the past three years or so. 

Writing about this donation to our NGO, reminds of another incidence. One of our beneficiaries, a kid of ten years or so, was having trouble with his eye sight. I called my Eye Surgeon, Dr, Chandresh Parekh and told him about. He asked," What you want me to do?" I said," Doctor, examine him for free." And he not only gave him free examination but also treated him free of any charges. His left eye was completely damaged and the right one needed some laser treatment. Some eight to ten sittings.   

There is a long list of doctors to whom I am grateful. BIG,BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!


                                                                                                               Vinay Trilokekar

This the response that I have received:



From: Dr.Eric Borges
To: vinay trilokekar  
Sent:
Friday, 7 September 2012 6:59 AM
Subject: Re: My new venture
Eric Borges
Hi Vinay,
Great Blog!!!
Wonderful thoughts and so nicely put.
Best regards
Eric


FROM: Nikhil Dhurandhar  

Friday, 7 September 2012 8:46 PM
Dear Mama,

Nice to read - honest, direct and heart warming. Keep up the good work. Love reading it. 

Seems like writing is in our blood. May be I should also take a stab at it

 

Fwd: My uncles blog

FROM: Nikhil Dhurandhar
Saturday, 8 September 2012 12:36 AM
Comment from my friend.

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:
From: Abhay Tawde <abhay_tawde@hotmail.com
 Date: September 7, 2012 2:10:25 PM EDT
To: Nikhil Dhurandhar <nikhil.dhurandhar@gmail.com
Subject: Re: My uncles blog

Good reading. His writing is really crisp and thought provoking.

From : Kiran Kothare

 Dear Vinay

After glancing  through your mail and the blog, I thought that I will go through it at leisure.
Hence it took me long to respond to you. 

 You have been able to  pen your experiences in life and comments there on in a very simple but interesting manner. I never knew that you are such an articulate writer.

It was certainly a  pleasurable reading  experience. 

Some of thought provoking articles can be offered to our community magazine's ( Prabhu Prabhat and Prabhu Tarun)  forthcoming Diwali issues. 
You can request their editors to get reactions of their readers on your mail id.

 I am sure that it will generate lot of positive ( for) and negative ( countering / opposing) opinions.
 Through such debate only the social change gets initiated and gets accepted over the next generations.

Do keep it up.
 Wish you all the best in this venture.

Thanks & regards

Kiran Kothare
mobile 9819816150



Mumbai Mirror: October 22, 2012

Doctors back surgeon, fear giving advice

MUMBAI: Leading surgeons in the city are upset over the recent Bombay high court judgment upholding the conviction against cancer surgeon Dr P B Desai for negligence.

The case was of a cancer patient Leela Singhi, wife of then IAS officer from Rajasthan, P C Singhi. She was admitted to Bombay Hospital in December 1987 as a patient of Dr Desai by his junior Dr A K Mukherjee. She, on Dr Desai's advice, was set up for a surgical procedure to remove her uterus but when Dr Mukherjee found it was not possible on opening the abdomen, he closed it on Desai's advice from an adjoining OT where he was operating on another patient. For three months Leela remained in the hospital suffering in pain. She died 14 months later in Rajasthan

Senior doctors say they now fear giving a second opinion to a patient of another doctor or when a patient is sent to them for referral. "There are two kinds of emotions that are running high," said Dr Tehemton Udwadia, who is regarded as the father of laproscopic surgery in India and is associated with Hinduja and Breach Candy hospitals. "One is agitation and the other is anger." "This is a disastrous judgment for the medical fraternity. It revolves around a technicality. I would think ten times before giving advice on someone else's patient now."

Senior doctors' opinion are routinely sought by other doctors even from other cities said Dr Farookh Udwadia, one of the seniormost physicians in Mumbai. "I would be hesitant to give opinions now. Opinions can change depending on a patient's condition which when the case is terminal can keep changing."

Dr Tehmton said, "It was a unique and prehistoric practice of admitting patients only under the senior doctor's name that has affected Dr Desai." Dr D P Vyas, medical director of Bombay Hospital, backed the claim. He had told the court about the hospital's procedure of allowing an assistant attached to a senior doctor to have his own independent patient but to not give him or her rights to admit such patient under their names." "It was to groom the junior doctors," he said.

Dr Lalit Kapoor, founder-member of Association of Medical Consultants and urologist, said, "Just because an opinion turns out wrong, can you hang me later? That too in this case the patient died over a year later. It must be explained that medicine is not an exact science. In India we criminalize medical negligence without a rigorous check."



TOI October 22, 2014- MUMBAI: In a win for onco-surgeon Dr P B Desai, the Bombay high court set aside a 2011 order directing him to pay a compensation of Rs 15 lakh for causing mental agony to a cancer patient, Leela Singhi, in 1987. 

A division bench of Justice Abhay Oka and Justice A S Chandurkar allowed Dr Desai's appeal that Singhi was not admitted as his patient; so, he was not responsible for any suffering caused to her after a December 1987 surgery performed by another doctor at Bombay Hospital.
 

The Singhis sued Dr Desai in the HC in 1989 for damages for breach of contract and negligence. In 2011, an HC single-judge bench of Justice Roshan Dalvi held Dr Desai contractually liable to Singhi in a doctor-patient relationship; Singhi was admitted to Bombay Hospital where he headed the oncology department. Justice Dalvi also ordered him to foot her medical and nursing bills of Rs 80,000—with 16% interest per annum—and Rs 1 lakh as litigation cost. After a year of suffering, Leela died at her Rajasthan hometown where her husband P C Singhi was a senior bureaucrat.
 

But Justice Dalvi held that Dr Desai was not medically negligent, which was not challenged by Singhi; his appeal was against her judgment.
 

Allowing his appeal in a criminal case last year, the SC also held Dr Desai was not criminally liable for medical negligence but said a doctor-patient relationship between him and Leela stood established, contractually.
 

In the HC, the appeal bench pointed out that barring in places where his opinion was sought, Dr Desai's name did not appear on Leela's hospital papers. The HC said the patient was attended to by Dr A K Mukherjee, an assistant doctor. "We have held that the deceased was never admitted as the patient of the appellant," the HC said, adding he was "merely called to examine her and advise".
 

On Dr Mukherjee's suggestion, Dr Desai's opinion was sought and he advised "exploratory surgery" on Singhi slated for December 22, 1987. Dr Desai performed another surgery in a nearby OT that day and had agreed to help if needed. "There is no evidence to show the appellant had agreed to perform the surgery. But he agreed he would help out if needed... He and the deceased had a doctor-patient relationship to this extent."
 

Pointing out that the single judge "is not right" to hold Dr Desai liable to the contract, the HC now said, "The only fault that can be attributed to Dr Desai is that when Dr Mukherjee told him about his observations on opening the patient's abdomen, Dr Desai asked him to close it, while he was in the corridor outside the OT, without entering the room to verify..."
 

Damages cannot be granted, said the HC bench. Besides, it is not even retired IAS officer Singhi's case that the surgery caused the death. He pursued the legal battle for what the "justice for Leela" against a top surgeon who he claimed sought to pass on his responsibility to his junior. He said he will move the SC.
 

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