Is there any need to tell them ' we love you' ?
I just
read the Face Book post shared by one of my acquaintances, Dr. Eric Borges. I
is captioned ‘Spend some time with your
parents and treat them right because one day when you look up from your phone ( ?) they won’t
be there anymore’ , by madly Odd’s
video and it reminded me of my earlier article on the very subject. I had inked it (oops, these days you don’t
ink anything, may be other than
blackening someone’s face at times, for doing something not to your liking,) It
all began when I saw an empty chair.
I belong that generation from India where we never said to
our parents, grand - parents, uncles and aunties that we loved them. Sitting
with them, eating meals together was more than enough for us and there was no
need for those words ‘love you’ to express what we felt towards each other. In
the same manner, we don’t expect our son, daughter – in – law and our sweet
little grand – daughter, Sarah to say ‘I love’ to us when they call from
abroad. We know that all of them do love us immensely as much as our daughter
does. However, our little darling Sarah
does say, “I love you, Baba!” to me or “I love you, Aai” to my wife. Though it
does feel nice to hear her saying so.
We just had nice get together - a family together - celebrating ‘ Bhau
bij’ in advance, with my sisters ( all my sisters are elder to me). There were
my nephews, nieces, too with their families. It was a grand party and there was no
need for anyone to use that American expression. I didn’t utter ‘ I love you
Nisha / Shubha / Pushpa’, neither did any of my nephews and nieces said, “ We
love you, Vinay mama”. There was absolutely no need for it. We did miss my son
and his family, they could not make it this Diwali. However, we did enjoy our ‘Kerala’
tour with them last month. We also missed my nephew, Nikhil and his family too this
Diwali. They couldn’t come down from America.
It seems this American way of
expressing love has not rubbed off, as yet, on my daughter in law, Ariana or my
nephew, Nikhil. Both of them sent me emails in response to one of my articles
on the subject, written some time back and I reproduce the same in verbatim.
Dear Mama,
First of all “Love you very much” I
promise this will be followed up with a phone call on one of the weekends –
though you will always be blamed for my premature baldness. (It’s all hereditary. Thankfully, my son has genes, in this
respect, from his mother’s side) I agree
to this article and the sentiments behind it. One of the reason why we over here
( He is settled I America) say “love you”
is that we tend to pick up good things from any culture and we don’t have any
extended family here so the bonding is much stronger – your involvement with
your kids in more stronger. I am sure it is true with Siddartha. I agree
we Indians tend to less expressive when sharing our love with our parents – and
its largely because that’s how we grew up but I see North Indians (He has
married to a North Indian) minded and
educated background, do express in this manner. We should surely keep in touch
and continue on these lines.
Take care, regards to everyone and
of course LOVE YOU. – Nikhil
Email from my daughter –in - law:
i sumtimes wanna say 'i love u' to u
guys, but since v hv never said it, it just seems difficult. and i agree baba
also, it is so normal n understood that v love each other n know it from our
actions, that sumtimes i feel that love is better expressed thro' actions
than words. esp whn u see so many people sayin i love u as a habit n not
actually meanin it.
i am sure that even if v dont say it or u dont say it, doesnt mean that v dont know that v love and care deeply for each other. also, everyone's way of expressin love is not the same, as long as the love is felt amongst us, that i feel is the best way to express. isnt it?
one more thing, i find writing 'love u' is easier than sayin it :)
love all of u, tk cr
i am sure that even if v dont say it or u dont say it, doesnt mean that v dont know that v love and care deeply for each other. also, everyone's way of expressin love is not the same, as long as the love is felt amongst us, that i feel is the best way to express. isnt it?
one more thing, i find writing 'love u' is easier than sayin it :)
love all of u, tk cr
-Araina
I know how things are quite different with the generation
next, especially those living in the U.S., with children and parents exchanging
quite frequently the ‘I love you’. How odd and almost mechanical! Every time
the parents get a call from their children abroad, it begins and ends with that
customary American expression. Be that as it may, I feel that the parents
should also learn to accept the ground reality. Don’t expect too much from your
children. Expecting too much always leads to disillusionment and
disillusionment, in turn, leads to disappointment. Your son hasn’t called you
or written to you for quite some time. May he has his own genuine reasons –
busy with his office work or business or children’s affairs. (My son or my
daughter- in – law call us every alternate day.) So, my friends, do spare some
time and either call or write to your parents once in a while. It will make
them happy. Just think about the empty chair. Act before it is too late!
Vinay Trilokekar
