Is there is any need to tell them ' we love you' ?

Is there any need to tell them ' we love you' ?

 

I just read the Face Book post shared by one of my acquaintances, Dr. Eric Borges. I is captioned ‘Spend some time with your parents and treat them right because one day when  you look up from your phone ( ?) they won’t be there anymore’ , by  madly Odd’s video and it reminded me of my earlier article on the very subject.  I had inked it (oops, these days you don’t ink anything,  may be other than blackening  someone’s face at times,  for doing something not to your liking,) It all began when I saw an empty chair.

I belong that generation from India where we never said to our parents, grand - parents, uncles and aunties that we loved them. Sitting with them, eating meals together was more than enough for us and there was no need for those words ‘love you’ to express what we felt towards each other. In the same manner, we don’t expect our son, daughter – in – law and our sweet little grand – daughter, Sarah to say ‘I love’ to us when they call from abroad. We know that all of them do love us immensely as much as our daughter does.  However, our little darling Sarah does say, “I love you, Baba!” to me or “I love you, Aai” to my wife. Though it does feel nice to hear her saying so.

We just had nice get together - a family together - celebrating ‘ Bhau bij’ in advance, with my sisters ( all my sisters are elder to me). There were my nephews, nieces, too with their families. It was a grand party and there was no need for anyone to use that American expression. I didn’t utter ‘ I love you Nisha / Shubha / Pushpa’, neither did any of my nephews and nieces said, “ We love you, Vinay mama”. There was absolutely no need for it. We did miss my son and his family, they could not make it this Diwali. However, we did enjoy our ‘Kerala’ tour with them last month. We also missed my nephew, Nikhil and his family too this Diwali. They couldn’t come down from America. 

It seems this American way of expressing love has not rubbed off, as yet, on my daughter in law, Ariana or my nephew, Nikhil. Both of them sent me emails in response to one of my articles on the subject, written some time back and I reproduce the same in verbatim.

Dear Mama,

First of all “Love you very much” I promise this will be followed up with a phone call on one of the weekends – though you will always be blamed for my premature baldness. (It’s all hereditary. Thankfully, my son has genes, in this respect, from his mother’s side) I agree to this article and the sentiments behind it. One of the reason why we over here ( He is settled I America) say “love you” is that we tend to pick up good things from any culture and we don’t have any extended family here so the bonding is much stronger – your involvement with your kids in more stronger. I am sure it is true with Siddartha.  I agree we Indians tend to less expressive when sharing our love with our parents – and its largely because that’s how we grew up but I see North Indians (He has married to a North Indian) minded and educated background, do express in this manner. We should surely keep in touch and continue on these lines.

Take care, regards to everyone and of course LOVE YOU.      – Nikhil

Email from my daughter –in - law:

 i sumtimes wanna say 'i love u' to u guys, but since v hv never said it, it just seems difficult. and i agree baba also, it is so normal n understood that v love each other n know it from our actions, that sumtimes i feel that love is better expressed thro' actions than words. esp whn u see so many people sayin i love u as a habit n not actually meanin it.
i am sure that even if v dont say it or u dont say it, doesnt mean that v dont know that v love and care deeply for each other. also, everyone's way of expressin love is not the same, as long as the love is felt amongst us, that i feel is the best way to express. isnt it?
one more thing, i find writing 'love u' is easier than sayin it :)
love all of u, tk cr

                   -Araina

I know how things are quite different with the generation next, especially those living in the U.S., with children and parents exchanging quite frequently the ‘I love you’. How odd and almost mechanical! Every time the parents get a call from their children abroad, it begins and ends with that customary American expression. Be that as it may, I feel that the parents should also learn to accept the ground reality. Don’t expect too much from your children. Expecting too much always leads to disillusionment and disillusionment, in turn, leads to disappointment. Your son hasn’t called you or written to you for quite some time. May he has his own genuine reasons – busy with his office work or business or children’s affairs. (My son or my daughter- in – law call us every alternate day.) So, my friends, do spare some time and either call or write to your parents once in a while. It will make them happy. Just think about the empty chair. Act before it is too late! 

Vinay Trilokekar